How to take 60kg on a plane

I'm onto my third glass of French fine wine in the British Airways lounge at Heathrow, an hour from now I'll be climbing into my Business Class seat, enjoying my welcome Champagne, then locking down for the 24 hour flight home to Adelaide. For good. I'm looking pretty composed and suitably attired in my polo shirt and jeans, a very different figure to the disheveled sweaty hobo getting frisked at security not less than 40 minutes ago.

Let me explain.

After nearly 7 years of travelling the globe I've accrued quite a few frequent flyer points. The majority of these were during 2003 when I took over 20 flights through 5 continents on my Qantas one world ticket, I couldn't beleive the price then and I still can't now, all up I paid AU$3800 for 12 full months of outlandish globetrotting including all applicable taxes. Another big chunk came on my flight home in April this year, a return flight I picked up for just £380 including taxes. I say these things not to gloat (okay, well, partially to gloat) but to draw your attention to the benefits of being patient, thinking things through, and enjoying the spoils of a well thought out plan. I had options to blow these points over the years, don't you worry about that, but I've saved them till now and cashed them all in on a one way Business Class seat London-Adelaide which goes for circa £4000 (AU$7500) and I plan to enjoy it! The total of cost of all the flights I've taken to earn these points is significantly less than £4000 (and I've had some sweet trips as a result!)

The luggage limit on Qantas Business Class (via Europe) is 30kg, only 7kg more than what you get on Ecomony these days. I had 5 and half years of UK life to pack into these bags so I had to make it count. Yesterday a man came to pick up 4 boxes of crap I'd put together, I'll see that in 12 weeks, but today was all about getting 60kg of luggage onto that plane without additional costs. Here's how I did it.

1. Pack heavy stuff into the boxes which are shipped, they are measured my volume not weight. If you won't need something heavy in the next 12 weeks put it in a box.

2. Wear as much as possible onto the plane. I faced quite the quandry this evening. I like wearing track suit pants on a plane rather than jeans, but the Business Class lounge has a dress code which trackies don't meet. Solution? Wear jeans on top of your trackies and remove on plane. Another problem, my bags weighed far too much. Solution? Wear a 2nd pair of trackies over your jeans. Triple layer baby. The guard frisking me at security must have though I was one complex carbohydrate. I also had on 2 T-shirts, 2 jumpers and a third draped over my shoulders.

3. Derren Brown the person at check in into overlooking your 36kg of check in luggage. I had all sorts of crazy plans with this, about asking an inane question right before he checked the weights "Sooooo, is the plane full? Did I mention I'm relocating to Australia? Have you ever seen a kangaroo?". But when push came to shove I didn't have the stones, fortunately the system gave him a taste of Derren Brown by telilng him I'd have to pick bags up at Sydney and re-check them in. This caused him to lose his train of thought and overlook my excess baggage.

4. Push your luck on the size of your bags you carry on. The limit is a strict 7kg per bag. Ignore it. My carry on back pack chock full of cameras and lenses weighs in at over 15kg fully loaded (including laptop) and my other carry on suit bag was easily 10 (and probably slightly bigger than it should have been). Unless it's ridiculous no one will challenge this. The guys at security just want to make sure you're not packing bombs, the guys at check it just want you in and out as quickly as possible, it's the ultimate situation of everyone assuming the other person will pick you up on it. NOTE - ignore this advice if you're flying Ryanair or another low cost carrier, they do check.

Oooh, take off is soon, gotta run, might finish this 36000 feet above see level.....

.....Okay, so now I'm in the lounge at Changi airport, Singapore. Can't quite remember where I got up to in the first half 12 hours ago but I'll try and continue.

I'll take this opportunity to summarise what it's like to fly long haul on Business Class as there's a pretty good chance I'll never do it again and the memories are fresh in my mind. It's basically like a classier version of a lazy Saturday afternoon at home that goes on for longer. Here are the key points of both:

Saturday afternoon at home
Couch
Napping
Beer
Pizza
Movies / TV / sport on demand (I'll miss Sky)
Flatmates might bring you a beer if you're lucky and treat you with contempt (all in good humour of course)

Business Class long haul
Super comfy chair that extends into a bed
Napping
Fine wine
Fancy food (I had the king prawn and pearl mushrooms with rice and stir fried vegies as my main and went with the salmon to start)
Movies / TV / sport on demand
People bring you everything and treat you with respect




Seat Adjustments






I had a pretty unusual sensation of flying backwards. The seats are configured to maximise shoulder room so each set of 2 has the passengers facing each other diagonally and tapers in at the legs. I also saw possibly the most beautiful sun bursting through clouds with islands below scene I've witnessed on a plane, I managed to snap this photo on the iphone but I was about 3 minutes late and the best of it was well and truly gone.



It's weird, I haven't fully digested the whole prospect of moving home for good. I thought it would have hit me by now but it just hasn't. My final few weeks in London were so hectic sorting out all the small stuff that I didn't have time to think about the big stuff, and the months before that had issues of their own that were taking up pretty much all of my conscious thought. I guess by the time I actually post this blog I'll have had a bit more of a chance to mull over the future and just how much life will change. Ooh, looks like I've gotta go board again, might finish this in the air or maybe wait till I get home....

....okay, so now I've been home for 3 days, caught up with a few people and had a chance to adjust to Adelaide life. It's great, there's no people anywhere cramping your space, you can hear birds in the morning, it's sunny and pleasant and you can get a cleanskin bottle of wine at Dan Murphy's for $1.99 (circa £1). Haven't tried one of these bottles yet but am pretty intrigued to see what mysteries they hold! The highlight of the final leg of the trip home was sitting behind a celebrity on the Sydney / Adelaide leg (when you fly business class you're pretty much rubbing shoulders with important people on a daily basis so this was really no big deal to me...). Now, I didn't see this celeb when she sat down, but everyone that walked past had a good look at her and quite a few said hello as though they knew her. From what I could gather she had blonde hair, skinny arms and a striped top, my mind was racing, surely she was some sort of mega babe, a famous model perhaps just waiting for a strapping fellow business class passenger to make his presence known? I almost leant over the top of the seat and gave her a spideman kiss but decided it might be miscontrued as a sexual offence and wanted to keep my name off the offender's register.



Yeah, so it turned out to be (former) Senator Natasha Stott Despoja, probably best I trusted my spidey senses and remained in my seat.

The plan now I'm back is to send this photography business into overdrive, so if you've managed to get this far down (well done by the way) and are looking for a photographer (or know someone who is) then get in touch!

Awesome.